About an hour before starting the beef, throw together the ranch dressing by following the directions on the package. (it is imperative you use home made ranch from scratch as bottled ranch will lessen the taste of awesome in my grandmas recipe, you have been warned)

Heat refried beans by whatever means you deem the most satisfying.

Brown ground beef, following directions on taco seasoning packet. use some of them tasty onions here if you like.

While the beef cooks take a moment to call your mother, she worries!

While mom revisits your childhood transgressions embrace your frustrations and tear up all the fixins into little pieces. one cannot call it a salad if the lettuce is still whole.

Here comes the fun part, when everything is ready start piling on. start with a layer of lettuce, followed by beans, beef, cheese, salad fixings. And finally cover the whole thing with a generous blanket of corn chips and drizzle that wonderful ranch over the top of everything. NUM NUM NUM!

Final warning: For reasons beyond my family's comprehension this recipe seems to defy the laws of physics. Even a willful attempt at making a "small" salad usually results in a plate that would serve as a weeks nourishment for third world inhabitants. pace yourself!