Take a bread into each hand. Thrust firmly into toaster slots.

Turn the toasty dial to medium low, maximizing crunch and warmth while minimizing carbon-to-food ratio. Kindly ask toaster to do what its name implies.

Remove toast from machine with a metal tool such as a fork or pliers.

Spread jam all over ONE SIDE of each toast, leaving a thumb slot bare for ergonomics.

I forgot the butter, too late now.