Take the block of chicken breasts and defrost in the microwave for 40 minutes. Halfway through you'll want to break the pieces apart so they can melt more easily.

While your partner in crime melts the chicken, prepare the sauce. Do the noodles later, while it's in the oven.

In a large bowl, saucepan, or container, combine the milk, eggs, and mayonnaise. Whip it until it's frothy and homogenous. This is called "the substrate".

At this stage it is wise to apply low heat to your bowl so as to heat the substrate to a temperature hot enough to melt the motzarella cheese. Add the cheese and stir frequently to avoid making breakfast.

Once the cheese is incorporated, remove from heat and add to the substrate the tomato products, the mushrooms, and the seasonings. If you like mushroom water, do not drain the can. Stir in until even. Make sure to watch for the whole peeled tonatoes, as they begin to look like giant beans.

The substrate is fully primed. Cut the rotten parts off of your onion and discard them. The remaining center will be the right firmness, but it will have a slimey film on it. Wash this off before dicing.

Chopp the melted chicken into pieces. I've found that slightly slushy chicken cuts more easily with blunt knives, so you may wish to melt the chicken some more.

Butter a frying pan or skillet, raise to medium heat, and cook the onions and chicken, flipping periodically. Remember that this particular bag of chicken had a hole in it before purchase, and has been to room temperature before, so cook the living heck out of it. It will be tough and dry, but you might live as a result.

Now that your chicken is hopefully disease-free, mix it with the substrate and pour it into a buttered large baking pan, glass preferred. Put into a 350 degree oven for 75 minutes, and watch the egg bake take form.

There's too much sauce in the substrate for a toothpick to come out clean, so do not test for doneness; just trust me or use your own judgement. Maybe just the latter.

Once the egg bake has firmed up, put a slice on your noodles! Au revoir!

Clean up. Your roommates are not your mom, and it's right to help your mom anyway.