If you're baking your baguette out the packet, go ahead and stick that in the oven now. While it bakes, prepare your toppings.

Cut up the Chorizo, thick enough to be satisfying but thin enough so it doesn't take out a filling, usually about half a centimetre. My Chorizo has white truffle flakes in it. Yeah, I know.

If you're a fancy fellow and your jalapeño is fresh, go ahead and cut it up so you get fancy little jalapeño circles.

If you're really going for it and have an actual wedge of cheese, you probably should have started grating that by now too. Those tasty bread rolls will be browning about now. Keep an eye on that.

Once your no doubt fancy smart oven has alerted you with an array of push notifications to tell you that your bread is done, take it out and cut it length ways so you have two flat halves.

Spread some of that gourmet farmers market Tomato paste onto each half, lay out some of the Chorizo and finish with the jalapeños and cheese.

Pop that 1st world delight back into the oven until the cheese has melted like your Christmas bonus all over the place.

Take it out and wait for it to cool a little, you might be fancy but you're not made of asbestos.

Enjoy with some ridiculously expensive imported Italian wine and pretend you're happy for a short while.